Home Defence - Lifestyle & Paranoia Magazine

NEW CONTENT!

- Some bad news for the leader of the opposition in International News (right).

- All you need to know to make that love last forever! Yes, it's The Home Defence Guide To Relationships.

- National News covers the latest developments in the UK's campaign to bring back Capital Punishment.

- Regulars Dick Holder and Harry Figgis return with Travel Drinking in Durban and How I Spend My Days respectively.

- And our Lifestyle Correspondent explores the hit phenomenon that is High School Musical!

- In News Round Up we explore The Crufts Scandal,

Methane Emissions, Non-Recyclers and the horror of Identity Theft (left).

- For his sophomore Hot Lunch our food correspondent reflects on time spent in the employ of 'DLT', whileThe Rev. Harry Figgis is called upon to give the Church's verdict on beauty in How I Spend My Days.

- National News covers the recent movement of Fathers4Justice to a more reasonable stance while a Great British corporate success story is interviewed in Local News!

- Plus, regulars E-Suitors (direct from the nuthouse!) and the second part of our Tennessee Travel Drinking trip to enjoy!

07/08/06

- With temperatures on the rise, what better time to discover the psychological effects of Global Warming? That's International News (left).

- Dick Holder imbibes nothing and goes, erm, nowhere. It's Travel Drinking!

- Minor Celebrity Gossip returns with rumours on Fearne Cotton, Daz Sampson, Mariah Carey and Cilla Black.

- What has the Reverend Harry Figgis been up to since his last sermon? Find out in Hobbies!

- Our Special Report this time comes from the world of Fashion!

- While Archibald Scamp and Clint Panzerdivision return with Letters and nevergreen favourite Football Fracas respectively!

- Clint Panzerdivision makes a triumphant return to help us

prioritise our fears in Weaponry Choice, Nuclear Paranoia Part 6

& Football Fracas!

- Email shenanigans lead to anarchy in a Mansfield office, it's Local News!

- Dick Holder braves the boozy wilds of Washington D.C. in Travel Drinking!

- Al Likilla details the effects of the coming Bird Flu epidemic in the UK, that's our Special Report.(left)

- Read all about Pato Banton, Bruce Forsyth, Ugly Kid Joe & Stan Boardman in Minor Celebrity Gossip!

- Unwilling to leave the house? Join Archibald Scamp indoors forever for Lifestyle.

- And finally, International News reports from war-torn Chechnya!

26/04/03

Site Launched. All Content New. Celebratory Party At London's Fashionable Groucho Club, Guests Include Daniel Bedingfield, P.J. O'Rourke and 24's Elisha Cuthbert. The evening comes to an abrupt end when Clint Panzerdivision fires a round of ammunition into the ceiling.

08/06/03

- More Newsblast! including the HDUK cartoon Oy Vey!

- Single reviews in our music section.

- Bert Infiltration's new column, Lifestyles Of The Dead & Famous.

- Clint Panzerdivision's shocking report on The Secret Immigrants.as well as Football Fracas II.

- And finally, Al Likilla on the 'Cornish Pasty Wars' in Local News

25/08/03

- We lead with a National News story from Westminster.

- There's a bumper crop of Minor Celebrity Gossip. It's been a scorcher!

- HDUK goes sport crazy with Al Likilla's View From The Dog Track & Clint Panzerdivision celebrating the new season in Football Fracas!

- Our Lifestyle section explores the intimate world of the Blogger!

- Plus regulars The Hobby Lobby and Newsblast! make a welcome return.

18/11/03

- Bad news for rock and pop fans in Music News.

- What can we do about the perils of alcohol? Find out in our Special Report.

- Are you fit to be in the UK? Try our Britishness Quiz.

- Plus returns for Minor Celebrity Gossip, Lifestyles of the Dead & Famous and Football Fracas!

15/02/04

Lovey-love love love everywhere is all around! And to celebrate, HDUK embraces romance in these times of strife and grisly wartime atrocities!

- Al Likilla has a Special Report on the big day.

- A poem from Clint Panzerdivision relates the tale of the St. Valentine's Day Riots.

- Our news section covers Paddy Ashdown & Princess Anne.

- Plus! Minor Celebrity Gossip, The Hobby Lobby, we reach the end of our dating Top 100, enjoy another Football Fracas and Bert Infiltration begins his very meta new column Web Digest.

31/05/04

- Work out your chances of survival with the HDUK Death Risk Calculator!

- It's a news frenzy as we find out about Gay Bishops, a Turbulent Local Relationship and Joe Pantolino in NewsBlast!

- There's a Cup and Hollyoaks preview for Football Fracas!

- Where's the hottest scene in England? Find out in Al Likilla's Music Report!

- And finally, Michael Barrymore, Gail Hipgrave, 'Bully' (!) and more all feature in Minor Celebrity Gossip!

02/09/04

- The Tory Party in leadership crisis! A Special Report.

- New recruit Archibald Scamp brings us his guides to Health and living the Online Existence!

- We begins our 'Terror Nostalgia' series with a hankering for Nuclear Paranoia.

- Robert Kilroy-Silk's latest plans unveiled in National News.

- Make sure you have the perfect day with the HDUK Wedding Guide!

- Plus the return of Football Fracas, Web Digest, The Hobby Lobby & Minor Celebrity Gossip!

30/11/04

- The issue of the hour comes under scrutiny in our fox hunting Special Report.

- There's a NewsBlast! convention special.

- Lifestyle explores the televisual knock-on effects of the Chav phenomenon.

- There's emphasis on music this Autumn in our regular celebrity Gossip.

- The P.M. finds his judgement questioned in National News.

- And finally, Clint Panzerdivision weighs in with never-popular regulars Football Fracas, and his ongoing series about the Nuclear Terror threat.

20/02/05

- Fear is being spread around unexpected neighbourhoods in Local News!

- Clint Panzerdivision hits the ground running with Football Fracas and his patented Return to Nuclear Paranoia Part 3!

- Bring yo' kiddies up the right way ma male bee-yitches - this is The HDUK Guide to Child-Rearing!

- Find out why downloading that free track might be a bad idea in National News.

- Read the latest hearsay and nonsense on Delia, Charlie & Methane in Minor Celebrity Gossip!

23/05/05

- New signings make their presence felt in News Round Up & Travel Drinking!

- Prince Harry features in International News!

- Archibald Scamp returns to Improve Your Life!

- Special Reports covers the growing perception of an Asylum Crisis!

- Clint Panzerdivision weighs in with Football Fracas & Nuclear Paranoia Part 4!

- And filling out this update from the worlds of Pop and TV, Al Likilla brings you Single Reviews & Minor Celebrity Gossip!

29/08/05

- Update on the U.K. terrorist situation in National & Music News!

- Clint Panzerdivision gives you Nuclear Paranoia Part 5 & Football Fracas!

- The Eurovision Song Contest 2005 controversy explored in International News!

- Destination two in Dick Holder's Travel Drinking extranvaganza is Oirland!

- Medical breakthroughs and general raciness in Local News!

- Plus! Big Brother, Brian Harvey, Ross Kemp and Bob Carolgees star in Minor Celebrity Gossip!

04/11/05

- Why Bonfire Night's a washout in our Special Report.

- Seven years of self-congratulatory bullshit anticipated, read the latest news on the 2012 London Olympics.

- It's off to Northern Ireland to take tea with the Reverend Doctor Ian Paisley in International News.

- The usual slop from Football Fracas.

- Made-up lies about Jimmy Five Bellies, Noel Edmonds and Terry Christian, in Minor Celebrity Gossip!

- Plus! Our intrepid Travel Drinker visits Paris!

- How Councils in London are tackling the Crack Squirrel epidemic in Local News.

- Travel Drinking takes in the many booze-related possibilities of the Edinburgh Festival.

- When will the P.M. step down? Find out in National News.

- Minor Celebrity Gossip covers the varying fates of Dolores O'Riordan, Andi Peters and Barry Bethel. With a bonus RossKempWatch Update!

- We help dissect negative reaction to the Queen's recent xmas message in Special Reports.

- And the major Sporting News of the year so far concerns the authorties' crackdown on streaking.

- Presenting the launch of our first eugenics-style social initiative, to help improve the lot of the

human race - Make Celibacy History! (right)

- A big Home Defence welcome to the Reverend Harry Figgis who tells us what's

occupied his time lately in Hobbies.

- National News relates the unusual tale of an heir to the throne's sudden deportation.

- Clint Panzerdivision joins us for the final part of his Nuclear Paranoia series & a special World Cup Fracas!

- Archibald Scamp gives invaluable advice on education for the childless, and sport for the housebound, in Health and Lifestyle.

- Travel Drinking visits Copenhagen's dens of iniquity. And statues. Statues too.

- And finally, things have got out of control again over there in Frenchland,

that's International News!

- Al Likilla delves into the murky world of the unsolicited email suitor in a new, regular Dating column (right).

- Water, water everywhere, and not a drop that's of interest to an alcoholic! Travel Drinking

visits Venice!

- National News reports on the growing trend to Control Freakery within the British Isles.

- The very Reverend Harry Figgis takes on internet sociopaths and jobsworth coppers in

Hobbies.

- Our Special Report uncovers shocking developments in the UK's research on Medical Marijuana!

- And is that a moan of pain, or one of love for 'the beautiful game'? No, it's pain. Clint Panzerdivision returns for more Football Fracas!

23/12/06

- The Reverend Harry Figgis offers festive advice from the Genito-Urinary Clinic, then attends a wedding in How I Spend My Days!

- The Fat Rights movement comes unstuck during an ill-advised protest march (left).

- Are the minds of your children being warped by TV? Find out how teachers can help in

our Health section.

- A brewery-related piss up resolution is finally achieved by Dick Holder in Travel Drinking Amsterdam.

- By popular demand, Al Likilla's regular column looks back to the future at more E-Suitors!

- In Football Fracas Clint Panzerdivision reviews the Association Soccer triumphs of 2006! No, of course he doesn't.

- And the strange case of the marksman serial killer is investigated in Special Reports.

- In Local News we investigate the damage caused to society by so-called 'Catnip Delinquents' (right).

- Making his debut, Botham Squab is your gastronomic guide to contemporary grub. You'll never refuse The Hot Lunch.

- The E-Suitors go on trial for insulting our intelligence, while Dick Holder gets a heavily sunburnt neck Travelling to Tennessee.

- The Reverend Harry Figgis starts the new year by embracing body fascism and disgusting beachwear, that's in How I Spend My Days!

- And International News takes us all the way to the World Health Organisation in Geneva for an Eating Disorder-linked initiative.

- A scandal envelops the cartoon tube network, with the arrest of Underground Ernie (right). We report back in National News.

- The E-Suitors take their love and incoherence to new levels (and planets).

- With a girlfriend well out of his league in tow, our Travel Drinker visits South Africa.

- Our Special Report looks into the romantic misadventures of heir to the throne, Prince Wills, since his split with, er... Thingy.

- The Reverend Harry Figgis checks out a variety of local religions so that you don't have to in How I Spend My Days!

- And Archibald Scamp returns to share his vision of a future utopia in Lifestyle.

I get the feeling he's been watching TV with a child....

- The extent of Ant & Dec's criminal conspiracy is revealed at last in National News (right)!

- Jules Bower makes her debut with How To Impress Boys and Saying Boo To The Goose!

- In Local News a band spends a whole day trying (and failing) to settle on a name!

- A festive extravaganza in Hobbies, as the Reverend Harry Figgis explores the British Xmas traditions of drunk driving and, um, blasphemy.

- Travel Drinking goes all the way up the Kilimanjiro, then back down again to Nairobi Airport. For ages.

- And in our Terror update, we hear from MI5 on the growing risk of so-called 'Infant Jihadis'!

- One of the most unlikely team-ups in modern Hollywood is

EXCLUSIVELY revealed in International News(left)!

- Banged up unjustly? Harry Figgis has some advise for you in How I Spend My Days.

- A new event at the end of the UK's festival calendar? We present all you need to know about Beefstock!

- Regular favourites return, that's Travel Drinking from Florence, and the final ever E-suitors! (maybe)

- Botham Squab ventures where no heterosexual, beer-loving male should ever have to go in The Hot Lunch.

- And pop-pickers should flick straight to music for 2007's very best Downloads.

- Great news for SAD sufferers thanks to Dr, Fouffy Berserk (left) in our Special Report

- Welcome to a whole new revolution in eating with Botham Squab, that's The Hot Lunch.

- It's nearly Valentine's Day, celebrate the only way HDUK knows how with Hobbies!

- There have been dark times in the past, but things are looking up for Streatham's famous Ice Rink in Local News.

- Archibald Scamp returns to make 2008 the year of Life Improvement for our readers in Health.

- Plus Al Likilla presents an International Media News Round Up featuring a cast of many, as well as his guide to the young folks' 'Webspeak' in Lifestyle.