With Clint Panzerdivision - ploughing his own field since 2003. Deck the halls with boughs of holly, Fracas fans! The festive period is once again upon us, and since I'm filled with boundless enthusiasm for the yuletide season, I've decided to set a jolly quiz. Oh all right, that's a big lie. It's Sunday morning in late November, I have a stinking hangover, and Al's threatened to break my knees with a spanner if I don't come up with a column sharpish, so rather than waste time trawling through the internet for dull footballing trivia to mock. I came up with this duff idea. Note also that questions are culled from all past columns, rather than the two and a half I've actually written A small prize may or may not be awarded if anyone can be bothered to send in their answers. Please mark your e-mails: "I've finished your dumb quiz and I'm hoping for free crap", and send to Q1. Why did it take me a while to work out which team was which when Manchester United played Arsenal at Highbury park? (Any answers including the word "moron" will be instantly disqualified).
Q2. Which style of dance is football very much unlike?
Q3. Which award-winning HBO drama series did I tape over the 2003 F.A. Cup final?
Q4. In the same game, why did Southampton's Michael Svennson enquire: "For fuck's sake, what the fuck's that?"
Q5. On whose recommendation did I base my prediction that Arsenal would end the 2003/2004 footballing season at the top of the Premiership?
Q6. In August of 2003, how much did it cost to see Chippenham Town FC play at home? Q7. And why wouldn't Al pay me expenses to watch a game? Q8. Should Owen K.O. Kop?
Q9. In November of 2003, which football club found themselves in a crisis caused by an undesirable ratio of goals for to goals against, or possibly vice versa?
Q10. In which type of paradise might you find naked angels?
Q11. How many of my loyal readers voted in the Football Fracas reader poll?
Q12. Who made a cunt of himself in May this year?
Q13. Which football star is a good husband and loves his kids?
Q14. And why might he feel the need to inform the newspapers of these sterling qualities?
Q15. Who correctly predicted that Arsenal would win the 2004 FA Cup final, then went on to compound his
triumph by accurately forecasting England's quarter-final defeat in Euro 2004? (Hint: Clint bloody
Panzerdivision, that's who! In your face!)
Q16. Who was sacked from his managerial post for not being as good at his job as some people would have
liked him to be?
Q17. For which other football team are Manchester United often mistaken? (Wasn't that a grammatically
Q18. Who played the part of public school villain Rob Hawthorne in Sunday morning teen soap 'Hollyoaks'?
Q19. Who's just realised that Arsenal didn't win the 2004 FA Cup final, they won the Premiership, which is what he actually predicted anyway, and in no way detracts from his triumph?
Q20. And finally, the tiebreak question. Hah! As if I'm actually going to get two responses, much less two accurate ones. But still. Complete the following sentence in twelve words or less: "The game of footballing is shite
Right, well there's my contractual obligation fulfilled once again. Wasn't that fun? Wasn't it? Eh? Eh? Eh? Come on, people, admit it - you love me. No, you do. You might not admit it, but you really do.
Clint Panzerdivision is currently gripped by the F.A. Cup third round draw.