Guardian readers offers application form
These special offers are available to readers of The Guardian ONLY. To apply send a cheque for £13,000 and the slip below proving you read The Guardian.

Hello, I’m a regular reader of the Guardian and can prove it. 
I am (delete as applicable):
I currently live in:
I am currently feeling mostly guilty about:
I enclose a photograph of me wearing a beard and sandals, eating muesli and frowning at less aware people who like football and watch ITV.

Future Guardian reader special offers to include:

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Send cash now while stocks last!

with Mark Piggott

Home Defence UK
A Symptom of a Greater Malaise
Tiger Shooting Safari
Ever wanted to relive the glorious days of the Raj, wear a pith helmet and carry a blunderbuss? Well, now you can. Enjoy an all-inclusive trip to the Karnataka Natural Park in Uttar Pradesh with The Guardian.

Coral Reef Tours
Imagine the scene: a pristine coral reef in languid blue water. Fish of every colour swim languidly among beautiful sea-flowers. Float across the reef in a butch inflatable dinghy – and dynamite the lot.

Waffen-Reich tours of Germany
Royal? Enjoy wearing fancy dress? Involved in Formula One at any level? Waffen-Reich Promotions (Berlin) cordially invite you on a special tour of Der Fatherland.

Read what other Guardian readers had to say about our holidays
“My best holiday was the coral reef dynamiting one ‘cos when the TNT went off all these dolphins jumped around so I shot them with my big gun” – Sting
“I love the smell of charcoaled rainforest in the morning” 
– George Monbiot
“It was such a buzz decapitating pandas I came in my smelly trousers” – Nick Knowles
For details of these and many more special offers contact Alan Rusbridger at the Guardian.* 
*Sorry, no blacks or Observer readers.

Note: due to unforeseen technical issues the readers’ feedback section beneath this advert has been temporarily disabled.