I know all about boys. I’ve literally been out with all of them. In fact, if you’re a boy and
you’re reading this, I’ve probably slept with you. Don’t worry if you can’t remember, but
trust me it was brilliant.
Here are my tips for girls about how to impress boys.
1.
Whenever your boyfriend says anything, anything at all, leave a long pause, sigh and say, “You see, this
is what’s wrong with our relationship”.
2.It is a little known fact that most boys don’t really like football. They
have to pretend they love it because of society and stuff, but they are
all secretly looking for an excuse to not watch it. Always sing loudly
and dance in front of the telly when it is on. Your boyfriend will
pretend he does not like you doing this but he will be secretly relieved.
3.Spice things up in the bedroom by clapping sarcastically, during and after sex. Boys love this.
4.Ask your boyfriend if he would like a cup of tea.
If he says yes - explain to him this behaviour is just typical of him not appreciating your needs and it is so not about the tea because there are bigger issues going on here and it’s about time you confronted them head on.
If he says no - explain to him this behaviour is just typical of him not appreciating your needs and it is so not about the tea because there are bigger issues going on here and it’s about time you confronted them head on.
5.Next time you are out with your boyfriend, vigorously dry hump his leg. When this gets boring, move on
to the leg of a close friend or family member.
6.When your boyfriend has had a bad day, cheer him up by repeating everything he says back to him in a
high-pitched Lancashire accent. If he starts to tire of this, laugh hysterically.
7.Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays. Special occasions are important. Show him you care by always
bringing your Nan out with you.
8.Text your boyfriend every thirty-eight seconds to ask him if he still loves you. If he does not reply within
thirty seven-seconds, call his mother and tell on him.
9.Trust is crucial. Show your boyfriend you respect him by only cheating on him with members of his
family.
10.And finally, the key to a healthy relationship is sharing. Surprise your
boyfriend by stealing his possessions, selling them on Ebay and splitting
the profits with him 60 – 40. In your favour obviously, because you did all
the work.
