with Clint Panzerdivision
Home Defence UK
A Symptom of a Greater Malaise
THE TOP 100 TOPICS OF CONVERSATION TO AVOID ON A FIRST DATE
81.The importance of keeping your 'ho's in line. 82.Whether or not you'd imagine a person while making love to an animal. 83.Your top 5 favourite tortures. 84.The thing you do that's gonna get you into the fuckin' Jim Rose circus, man, and how that's gonna put you on the gravy train for life. 85.Flesh-eating viruses. 86.The true-to-life accuracy of Bridget Jones' Diary. 87.Your celebrity scrapbook. 88.Where to go in town for the best dog-fighting. 89.What someone at work your date doesn't know said about someone else at work your date doesn't know. 90.Why a public school education actually does make you a better person. 91.How the Jewish liberal media exaggerate the Holocaust. 92.The week's shipping forecast. 93.The terrible, all-consuming loneliness that torments each waking second of your nightmarish solitary existence. 94.The genetic imperative of the strong to destroy the weak. 95.The person you're really in love with. 96.Specifics of what would happen to a person cast into space without a spacesuit. 97.Your grudging admiration for the 9-11 terrorists. 98.Your capacity for violence. 99.The sort of thing you actually write for the website.
100. How much fucking time you spend writing it.
61.The "best bits" of American Psycho. 62.Where that odd smell might be coming from. 63.Why you don't ever intend to move out of your parents' house. 64.Your top 5 greatest ever wanks. 65.Your cat poetry. 66.Why Camilla Parker-Bowles is your ideal sex partner. 67.The Book of Revelations. 68.The biggest thing you ever got stuck in your ass. 69.Marriage. 70.The weird things you can find in other people's dustbins. 71.How much you really relate to the character of Travis Bickle. 72.The projected bi-annual gross profit forecast for the internal sales division. 73.Things that irritate you about the so-called "disabled". 74.How you managed to quit the rat race by franchising your playground heroin dealing operation. 75.The time you inadvertently slept with your brother. 76.The time you slept with your brother on purpose. 77.The wackiest things the voices in your head ever said. 78.The Kobayashi Maru scenario. 79.How the home trepanning course turned your life around. 80.The things you could do to that little strumpet Britney. 41.The best ways to cook roadkill. 42.Highlights of the Bridge Club AGM, 1989. 43.The cheapest places to buy crystal meth. 44.Holiday destinations with regard to liberal child prostitution laws. 45.Anyone you regularly refer to as "that fucking cocksucker". 46.Your collection of Beanie Babies. 47.Any potentially sensitive physical characteristic of your date. 48.Your secret identity. 49.The real reason they kicked you out of the clergy. 50.Why single mothers should be taxed more. 51.Your own moral superiority. 52.Why all men are bastards (not you, obviously). 53.Why all women are mental (no offence, love). 54.Loaf-roasting. 55.The shoes you were going to wear before you decided on the pair you're now wearing. 56.Your top 5 internet porn sites. 57.Unwanted hair growth. 58.Dieting. 59.Your interest in WWII Japanese officers' skulls. 60.The religions you'd ban if you were in charge. 21.The stipulations of Great Uncle Rupert's will. 22.Modern advances in the perforated cardboard packaging industry. 23.The coolest serial killer. 24.Anything pertinent to a current criminal inquiry that could potentially contradict your alibi. 25.The inevitability of nuclear Armageddon. 26.Your basic inability to experience human emotion. 27.The things you know about the coming invasion. 28.The absolute truth. 29.How, eventually, you learn to expect failure. 30.Schools you'd want your kids to go to, if you had kids. 31.The quickest way to kill an unwanted puppy. 32.The last time you pissed in the street. 33.People who might pay to see you dead. 34.How you scammed your last partner out of everything they owned. 35.The dictator you most admire. 36.How much you hate the place your date chose to meet. 37.Why that guy looked at you funny. 38.D.R. and Quinch. 39.The necessity of absolute punctuality in a relationship. 40.Offing pigs.
1.The funniest ever space shuttle disaster. 2.Why the government ought to declare martial law until the problem of street beggars is dealt with. 3.Reasons people don't like you. 4.Sensible precautions to avoid mind control beams. 5.How often you've washed your underwear since you've been single. 6.What you keep locked in the attic. 7.Possible wallpaper designs for the conservatory. 8.Mnemonics for remembering the days of the week. 9.History as a self-perpetuating circle of self-serving evil and devastating atrocity. 10.Your hilarious collection of viral e-mails. 11.Your luckiest drink-driving incidents. 12.The full extent of your pedantry. 13.Classified military information that you're not really supposed to talk about. 14.People at the bar you could have in a fight, easy. 15.People at the bar you've slept with. 16.Quite how intimately you know your date's parents. 17.Why spamming is actually beneficial to computer users. 18.Golf. 19.Why you still ride a BMX.
20. Fight Club.